A year ago.

Oh, how a life can change in a year. A year ago, I was in a rather rough place. 

I had just ended a relationship with a man I loved but who did not love me as he should have. The repercussions of ending that relationship took over my life in ways that still frighten me at times. It is only recently that I have finally escaped the cloud. 

A year ago, I was living in an apartment I did not like, working at a job that left me feeling unfulfilled and bored, living in a town that felt like I was trapped in its clutches forever. I was in a place of disillusionment from unfortunately false friendships. I was strangling, in a sense, in a pile of my own unmet expectations and heartbreak. 

And now. Had anyone told me I would be in this here and now, I would have laughed bitterly. I could not have dreamed up this fairy tale I’m living right now. It is unbelievable in its simplicity and its beauty. 

I am living in my own wee house with which I am in love. I wake up every morning and fight the urge to skip down the hall. I walk quietly barefoot in the grass and I laugh uproariously in the evening hours. 

I have reconnected with old friends and new friends, all of whom warm my heart in tremendous ways. The old ones know me and love me and are incredibly kind. The new ones make me laugh and let me love them wildly. 

I am pursuing two dreams at once in education. I love them both. My professors are honest and challenging and I delve into the work with vigor and excitement because this is what I love. 

I have been reminded that there are good men in the world, men who serve and give and treat women well. I am most grateful for not remaining jaded. 

I have a job I love where I can serve others and am constantly in a position where people are brutally and unapologetically honest.

In recent weeks, I have laughed harder, stayed up later, and lived better than I have in years. The people in my life are so raw these days. I do not mind their messes – I have some of my own. 

The best part of all is that a year ago, I was less than impressed by love. It felt so false and I was afraid to ever believe that life could be good again. And now…love comes so easily. I have missed being in this place in my heart, where I can love wildly and not be afraid. It is not that I am in love so much as I just feel love and I feel loved. It’s a wild, surreal adventure for my heart and I could not be happier. 

A year ago, I lost my smile. Now I’ve gotten it back. 

 

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